


Hide and Seek

by Elfy (elfowlgirl)



Category: Thrilling Intent (Web Series)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 06:05:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6040989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfowlgirl/pseuds/Elfy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Markus needs Kyr’s help. Oneshot. (originally posted to Tumblr on August 16, 2015)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hide and Seek

“Markus,” Kyr spoke to the desk in an exasperated tone, which was offset slightly by his growing sense of intrigue. “It only works as a hiding spot if they don’t know you’re going to be there.” He thought for a moment. “Heck, my place is probably the first place they’ll think to look.”

“Well, it’s the question of whether they’re going to check the first place they’d expect me to be or the last, where in this case the last is also technically the first and the first is also technically the last,” the desk replied. “Odds seem about even. I’ll take my chances.”

“And what exactly did you do this time?”

The desk seemed to consider this question for a long few seconds before meekly replying. “Well… you know that sparkle bomb we made? Replacing the gunpowder with glitter causes twice the boom?”

“Yeah! It was awesome! And took like, _forever_ to get out of our clothing. And hair. And skin.”

“I… kind of set the remaining one off in the bar. During the storm that was happening earlier. Wind and explosives and glitter… I’m pretty sure Ashe, Thog, and maybe even Gregor want my head on a pike.”

“Wait, _what!?_ ” Kyr looked incredulous. “Why would you do that!? Even _I_ know that’s a terrible idea!”

“Have you heard,” the desk said in a deadpan, “of this thing called alcohol.”

“Been hitting the keers again?”

“Explosives make it surprisingly easy to sober up. Now, are you going to help me hide, or am I on my own this time?”

“I will help,” the engineer announced with an ever-growing grin, “so long as you promise to help me on my next project.”

“Does that project happen to start with ‘couch’ and end in 'surfing’?”

He glanced at the pile of scavenged couches in the corner, stacked well up to the ceiling. “M…aybe.”

“Then I am all in.” A pair of blue orbs peered out from underneath the desk. “Although… Kyr, how did you notice me down here?”

“Your tail keeps poking out from behind the drawers.”

“…oh.”

Kyr offered him a gloved hand. Markus took it, and was easily pulled out from his hiding spot, horns almost catching on the underside of the workstation.

“So… how long do you think you’re going to need to be hiding for?”

“At least until the glitter washes out, so… a month? Except that after a month of this, Thog will probably still want my head for not making any money _during_ that month. This is kind of a catch-22. Hm.“

"Stuck between a rock and a hard place,” his friend remarked cheerfully. “Can’t you just, you know… turn yourself in?”

“And face the music?“ Markus’ face screwed up into an expression between disgust and horror. "You know I like music and all but _head on a pike,_ Kyr. Even I’m not sure how much of an exaggeration that is.”

“Yeah, but you can’t hide forever, Markus.” Kyr pointedly glanced out the window before pulling the curtain across it. “What if they get a job and go off without you? What if someone has a terrible secret burdening them and needs your advice? What if there’s some sort of magical catastrophe and only _you_ can fix it?”

“I cause more magical catastrophes than I solve,” Markus nonchalantly waved one hand and collapsed into the desk chair, which creaked ominously from the rather underwhelming weight. “And if they really, truly need me, I’m sure they’ll find a way. Horrendous events and near-death experiences tend to bring people together.”

“If you’re sure…”

The sorcelock absentmindedly lit the tip of one finger with a glowing blue spark, then traced it through the air, leaving a bright, hovering line in the shape of a heart. The light flickered momentarily as the spark went out, and then the entire thing went up in a puff of smoke. “Although, I’ll need to find something to do in the meantime. Maybe I can start my next book. I’ve been thinking of trying my hand at some mysteries - the tentative series title is _'Gloomy Guard and the Missing Masterpieces’.”_

Kyr nodded his affirmation. “I like it! It could definitely use a bit more alliteration, though. _'Castles, Kings and Questioning’_?”

“That can be the first one.” Markus grinned his usual pointy-toothed smile, which shifted smoothly into a tight-lipped frown as he pulled back from where he’d been searching within his cloak. “Wait, where's… where’s my journal? I always keep it in - did I drop it when I was running from the…?”

He trailed off as he resumed digging frantically through each side of his robe. This lasted for several more seconds before he finally paused, eyes narrowing and one hand clenching into a fist at his side. For lack of better target, he chose to glare at the desk he had been hiding under minutes ago as though it had personally stabbed an imp, and then scrawled “MARKUS SUX” in big, ugly red-and-black-and-eldritch-colored letters across the bar’s walls with its blood.

“If I dropped it…” he began slowly as he dragged his eyes away from the desk and back towards Kyr. “…then it’s either sitting somewhere, lost and forgotten, or Ashe, Thog and Gregor have it. And if Ashe, Thog and Gregor have it, then they’ll probably use it as bait to try and lure me out of hiding.”

Kyr matched Markus’ annoyed expression with one of glee, a smile so bright it seemed as though it could light up the room. “There’s an easy solution there. If they’re going to try and trick you, we need to trick them _back!_ ”

The corner of the tiefling’s mouth twitched. “Isn’t that what got me into this in the first place?”

“Exactly! You need to show them that the looming threat of revenge won’t stop you from doing stupid stuff!” Markus raised an eyebrow, but chose not to comment as Kyr continued. “Therefore exacting revenge is, in the end, pointless - especially because it’s not gonna stop things that have already happened. A pie for a pie, or whatever it is Dont said that one time.”

“I could correct you, but I think in this instance the pigbat is right.” Markus leaned back into his chair. “So, what’ve you got in mind?”

As Kyr fell into the only other chair in the room, it made the same groaning noise Markus’ had, though it was also accompanied by a chorus of tiny explosions and an eerie screeching that didn’t quite sound like metal. He reached over and drew a few blueprints from the shelf beside him, then looked at the labels along the edges of each and replaced a couple of them. “It depends what we’re going for here. ‘End of the world catastrophe’? ‘Monday night sleepover’?”

“Those are maybe a bit too… big.” The sorcelock tapped his chin in thought. “I feel like the better question here is ‘what can we get away with?’ A lot of pranks would involve, you know, _being_ there. What if we reverse-baited them?”

“Oooh!” Kyr’s grin widened to the point that it looked almost painful. He pulled a fresh sheet of paper out of one of the lower shelves and spread it out across the tabletop, shoving the other blueprints aside. He grabbed a pen and, clutching it tightly in one hand, began to sketch with practiced ease. “So if we start here…”

—

Markus beamed brightly as he perched on the half-tipping chair, kept from falling over only by his own careful balance, and calmly surveyed the destroyed remains of the bar with an overwhelming and ever-growing sense of pride.

Glitter still littered every inch of every surface, but it was now joined by a sticky, dry, tasty material that the duo had dubbed “peanut butter”, though it didn’t contain butter as far as Markus could tell. Accompanying the glitter and peanut butter were a likewise-grinning Kyr, and the disgruntled trio of Ashe, Thog and Gregor, though Gregor seemed considerably less annoyed than his companions as he licked some of the chunky substance off the back of his hand.

Markus’ journal was now returned to its resting place within his cloak, and they had both been saved from the delicious decimation by the sorcelock’s choice of shield - an expertly-timed overturned table.

“And that!” he announced with a dramatic gesture and the flick of his tail from his makeshift perch. “Is why you don’t mess with Markus Velafi.”

There was a stunned silence - it hung in the air for barely a second before it was interrupted by the chair’s clattering to the floor and a startled yelp when Ashe tackled Markus.

**Author's Note:**

> I later got Matt to read this: http://elfowlgirl.tumblr.com/post/132247689918/this-months-reading-of-hide-and-seek


End file.
